Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
