wanna go halves on a baby?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
