I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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