and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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