You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
