she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
