do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
