I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
