dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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