who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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