is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
