i may or may not be watching the land before time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
