We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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