When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
