What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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