Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
