I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
