one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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