do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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