I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
