Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
