32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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