he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
