I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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