So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
