I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
