he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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