so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
