I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
