hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
