I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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