My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
