I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
