The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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