if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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