I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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