I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
