Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
