The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
