I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
