I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
