he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
