My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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