sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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