Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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