1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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