Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
