I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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