Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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