the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
