So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
