Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had to cum in my sink.
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