I cockslap morals
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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