i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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