Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
