You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
