im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was like eating out sand paper
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
