Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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