He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
