Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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