The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
