so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
