My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
