There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
