Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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